Funny Police Gifts Retirement

6 Hilariously Funny Police Retirement Gifts

Ahh (sigh) retirement. Time to hang up your jacket, put up your feet, and fill your free time with literally whatever you want! A stage many of us look forward to, some of us dread, and still a rare breed of us manage to put off as looong as they can.

No matter which category your police officer fits into, these funny policy retirement gifts are sure to bring a smile for all to see. If there’s one thing all retirees can appreciate, it’s a good laugh!

But first: A few funny police retirement sayings

What’s a good police retirement party without some good police retirement sayings? Our thought exactly – so here’s some of our favs to choose from 🙂 We’ve tweaked some quotes to make them LEO related.

  • What retirement? He’ll still always be “on the job!”
  • Now our on duty secrets will be safe with you – you won’t remember them anyway.
  • The only foot pursuit you’ll need to engage in is the never-ending quest for more comfortable inserts for your aching bunions. 
  • Even though you’ll no longer get the “cop discount,” we hear the “senior discount” is pretty good.
  • As a retired cop, you still get to uphold the law and order. Follow your wife’s law and obey her orders.  
  • Now you have the right to remain silent. Please make use of it. (For our sake?!)
  • As a retired cop, you no longer get paid to tell us what to do…that’s now a pro bono service.
  • Retired police officer – handcuffs are just for fun now.
  • You may be retired, but you can still kick a$$.
  • Retired police officer – time to give it arrest.
  • Goodbye tension, hello pension!

6 goofy & funny police retirement gifts

1. Retired business cards set

Retired business cards set for Police

Every VIP needs a business card, even a retired one! Just imagine their pleasure when they get to throw a very professional “Ask Someone Else” business card down on the table. This gift comes with an engraved metal case and 50 cards. Note that the description says the cards are light greenish in color (not white). The backs of the cards are blank, so you can get creative and add your own humorous police retirement sayings, too!

2. A set of pint glasses & their favorite brew

A set of pint glasses & their favorite brew for cops

Who doesn’t like to throw back a good pint of beer? Now that happy hour can be at any hour any day of the week, give your old boss/captain/sergeant the gift of happiness! No longer does he need to reprimand his squad to put himself in a good mood for the day, this 16oz pint glass with 10K gold ink should do the trick. If giving gold isn’t enough, earn bonus points by gifting his or her favorite brew to go with it and get the good times rolling. (Make sure to say that it’s hand wash only!)

And if your retiree has a, umm, somewhat crude sense of humor, why not pair it with this pint glass to make a perfect funny police gift set.

3. A punny t-shirt

A punny t-shirt for cops

Everybody has at least ONE punster on their team, and this gift is for them. Especially for those who served the force for their entire career (or well past their due date), this “Give it Arrest” shirt is the perfect police retirement saying gift. The t-shirt comes in 5 different colors – black, navy, asphalt, slate, and dark heather – and both men’s and women’s sizes. The thin blue line logo also makes it a classic police gift.

4. An overtly feminine wine glass

An overtly feminine wine glass for cops

This funny police retirement gift is for both men and women with a good sense of humor! Had a boss who always seemed to find complaints? Or a very respectable partner who always kept himself together even in the worst cases? This “I can WINE all I want” retirement tumbler is a hilarious gift for both! Plus, with its unbreakable stainless steel and 12oz capacity, it doubles as a handy (literally) gift for on-the-go drinks while camping, boating, and lounging by the pool. Not only for wine drinkers – both hot and cold drinks can be kept for hours.

5. A coffee mug to greet them each morning

A coffee mug to greet retired cops each morning

Are you REALLY retired if you don’t have a retirement coffee mug? May as well make such a staple item double as your funny police gift. From the first day of police academy to the last day in law enforcement, police officers undergo uniform standards, overtime and double shifts, strict policies, unending paperwork, and the ever-so-present order of command. Well that’s over now so help your retiree make his new schedule clear with this ceramic, large handled and large print mug.

Hehehe. We think this company just has too many funny police retirement gifts to choose from. Take a peak for yourselves!

6. A delightful apron to bring back the good ol’ days

A delightful apron to bring back the good ol’ days for retired cops

Once an officer always an officer, right? Well it seems so even in the kitchen! This funny gift for police officers is a fantastic gag gift for a retirement party. It will bring lots of laughs when you make your retiree model this police-themed apron on the spot. Complete with images of handcuffs, baton, radio, and gun – he may just wear this around the house to reminisce the “good ol days” while chasing that criminal cat. Also a great gift for husbands and wives to encourage more help in the kitchen 😉 Barking orders (thankfully) not included.

Celebrate the end of their career with these funny gifts for police officers

It goes without saying that police work is demanding, stressful, dangerous, and intense. That is why retired police DESERVE this time to celebrate their service with loved ones and friends and enjoy many laughs. Funny police retirement gifts will not only bring enjoyment every time they see them, but also fond memories. We hope these gifts will help give a good salute to your veteran police!

Here’s a recap of our hilariously funny police retirement gifts:

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Photo credit: Flickr